3 ways to move from feeling alone to supported when parenting a child with a learning difference.
Parenting a child with learning differences can leave you feeling lonely. As if you are the ONLY one going through the challenges you are facing with your child.
You may talk to other parents but their suggestions may be discouraging or not a fit for your child so you remain silent and tell others very little about what you are facing day in and day out.
So what are 3 ways to overcome this loneliness:
Get Support Ongoing from People that understand.
You have to go beyond Google search. When you are looking for support and answers you need real people to connect with. You need people to give you a sense of hope and empowerment to move forward. To let you know that this is DOABLE as they have done it too.
I say this now, as speak from experience. I did feel alone. I was scared and didn’t know if I was doing the right thing. I thought I was the only one that had to deal with the demands of helping my children learn and deal with the stresses of their day. I would say, “Why was this happening to us?” I don’t see this happening to others. These are the statements that were in my head yet I had enough experience to know these thoughts where not true yet they were still there.
I had a learning difference. I understood the demands as a child, yet this experience didn’t prepare me for the journey as a parent.
As an OT, I watched parents walk through various struggles yet I still had these thoughts. These feelings came from thinking I was doing something wrong — and that is why all this was happening.
The truth was I was doing what I thought was right based on what I knew of my child, the situation, and that could never be the same as someone else.
So that’s why it was hard, the answers were different and so I felt alone. I was thankful to have a few parents I could talk to but if I had the ability to talk to others on an ongoing basis about what I was facing, whether good or not so good, I would have been able to walk through this journey knowing my answers are unique to my child and I could do this.
We all face the same need for support and encouragement to keep going.
All. Of. Us.
From preschool to university, we need support!
Don’t think that if you need support there is something wrong with you. Support is what you need to get back up and keep going as a parent. It will be the fuel to help YOU so you can continue to support your child or children.
But we need this connection not just when things are rough but when they are going well! So we can easily reach out during the rough times. Support needs to be continuous.
Set a new path and invite others to join you.
Yup this is one way to step out of feeling alone. If you can change how you view your child and their needs — you will feel a new level of acceptance and be okay with the lifestyle you’ve set up for them and you.
Your child has learning differences such as dyslexia, ADHD or a Learning disorder and they have different needs - that’s okay!
Repeat this: That’s OK. They are beautiful, wonderful kids that have a BIG purpose in life.
So look at what they need instead of pressuring yourself to be like other parents. Take the pressure off and do what fits your family.
Believe me. I just gave myself this pep talk this week. I had to say to myself. “Do what fits your family.” “Stop thinking about others and what they are doing - it doesn’t matter.” “Keep going. You’ve got this.”
Is this easy to do? No. Can I do it? Yes.
And here’s the thing, you can ask other parents to join what you are doing instead of feeling as though you have to do what they are doing!
Encourage others to give their children time to play outside instead of racing to another sporting event. Ask them to join you at the park or your place. You can set a new standard by simplifying your life and your child’s so they can have the needed downtime they crave to possibly diffuse the stress they have faced in their day.
Gain more knowledge.
I know you’ve heard that knowledge is power. And when you have insight into what you and your child really need and feel good about this, you will be confident in your choices and with that confidence the feelings of loneliness and unworthiness will move away.
Loneliness can be present because you feel inside that you are inadequate. Now parenting is hard so feeling inadequate is something we face… A LOT. But one of the best ways to deal with this is to learn more about what you are dealing with and of course having the support along with this is critical as well.
Those questions in your head such as…. What is dyslexia? What is executive functioning? Why does my child print their letters backwards? Why are they anxious before bed? Are the questions you need answers to. And you can find them.
I know there is a ‘sea’ of information out there which can leave you feeling like you have too much to figure out and you may need some support to get through the information as well. That’s okay too!
If you need support to get you started…then seek it out. But one tip is to filter through all the information is to focus on one question only. What do you need to know and search for it. Gather the facts and then pull out what feels right to you.
Of course, I want you to have the support I wanted. I want to help you move out of this space of being alone, as I know what this feels like so I have a few options for you:
1. I invite you to join our free private Facebook Group so you can connect with others.
2. I also encourage you to join our live Summit this Nov 4th to get the connection, encouragement and knowledge you need as a parent. We are located in Toronto Ontario Canada.
3. I also encourage you to join the waiting list for our Parent Membership Community to get the ongoing support and knowledge you need.
We can do this together.
“...loneliness is not a reflection of what is happening in their lives at any given moment, but what occurs secretively and silently within them. ”