Different "Back to School" Anxiety and Stresses
During a regular year, school can sometimes bring up feelings of stress and anxiety for kids. If we tried to get inside our children’s heads for a moment (or remember back to when we were kids, however LONG ago that might feel like!), these are some of the thoughts that might be percolating for them:
Will I like my new teacher
Will I be in the same class as my friends
Will my schoolwork be too hard
Who will I play with at recess
Will I have a lot of homework
Will I have anyone to play with/hangout with
Will I be bullied
These are all valid considerations for any child. These are THEIR reality and the things that are important to them. What is important for them, makes it important.
However, what is not normal for many kids is dealing with a whole new level of stressors that may emerge during a pandemic such as:
How am I going to wear a mask all day?
How do I try to socially distance from my friends?
Am I going to get sick? Is my family going to get sick?
Will I go to school while some of my friends will be doing homeschooling or vice versa?
Will staying home from school affect my social relationships?
Will I be cohorted with my friends?
No matter what path your family has chosen, children will not be going back to school as they knew it. There will be different expectations, different routines, and different schedules, all in an effort to try to keep kids safe and healthy. It all feels new and unknown, and that can be scary.
So, let's add in one more layer to this back to school during a pandemic equation: having a learning difference while all of this is happening. Some things that we often see with kids who have learning differences:
Routine being important
Knowing what is coming next being important
Having the freedom to move around being important
Being able to see a whole face to communicate effectively
Getting one-on-one support from a Classroom Teacher, Special Education Teacher, Learning Resource Teacher, or an Educational Assistant being important
Understanding regular social cues being important
If our kids with learning differences could verbalize their anxieties, they may sound a little bit like this:
How will I be able to follow more rigid rules, staying to my desk or own zone for long periods of time?
How will I remember to follow all of the changes about where I am permitted to go and when?
Will it be really hard to remember not to get too close to others and to keep my hands to myself?
Will I still get the same accommodations and modifications that I am used to?
What about the time I used to be allowed to get up and move around when I needed it? Can I still do that?
How am I going to sit at a computer to do online learning for hours a day?
What is it going to be like to have to try to listen to a teacher who might have a mask or shield on their face?
What will I do when I see other kids not following all of these new rules?
So what can we do to try to help our kids as they flow through all of this uncertainty, increased cognitive demands, and how do we help with all of these transitions?
Keep them talking: be there for your child and try to keep them talking and opening up about how they are feeling without judgement. This is something we all haven’t experienced before so we have to communicate as much as possible.
Try to keep it lighthearted (as much as possible!): Keep in mind that kids will read adult emotions about situations. We have found that approaching the unknowns with the perspective of curiosity instead of worry is helpful (a great tip from one of in-house PMC experts).
Stay away from too much news: as we all know, the news can be intense and increase fear levels. We can share with our kids in an age-and-stage-appropriate way what is happening in the world in a much better way than full access to the news channels can. This will allow us to filter what we feel is right for them to hear.
Connect with the school staff and highlight the added expectations and your child’s skills: see if the staff has suggestions of ways that will help your child adjust with the specific regulations set in place at their school. Try to get as much information from them as you can to let your child know in advance what to expect. For a lot of kids, knowing what to expect can be a huge benefit to their stress level. Be prepared to advocate for what your child may need, as there will be more demands placed on your child when it comes to rules such as higher expectations placed on social distancing which is hard for most kids but may be a very hard ask for your child that craves physical touch or has a hard time knowing where they are in space and then to get into other people’s bubbles without realizing it. There needs to be ways to address your child’s need without putting blame on the child.
Prepare and practice: try to prepare your child for what the new normal will look like at home or at school. Practice new scenarios they may encounter while going to school during this time (additional hand-washing, using sanitizer, any changes around how/when they each lunch etc), and have them practice in advance wearing masks (or whatever PPE your school may require).
Take mental or real notes: We can’t possibly know all the issues or concerns our child will face when in a new learning environment that focuses more on health than ever before. So write down what the concerns are. These concerns may show up before your child attends school or during such as sensory issues when wearing a mask, difficulties understanding verbal or facial expressions without a full facial view (as they can’t read or see the mouth of the person communicating with them).
Taking some time to see the back-to-school experience through your child’s eyes and notice what their needs are now, will help you to understand and prepare for what they may be going through. We have resources available that can help you with some of these topics and support you in making your decisions throughout the school year.
Check out our SYT Learn or Parent Membership Community for topics related to learning differences (such as dyslexia, ADHD, LD), worry, parenting, understanding your child and more.
There will be no perfect response to this, we are all just doing the best that we can.