Emotional Intelligence and kids with ADHD or Dyslexia
Imagine these situations…
Your child encounters a bully, how do they respond?
Your child is disappointed in a party being cancelled, what do they do?
Your child gets a bad mark on a test and is made fun of, what are their next steps?
Your child is frustrated with how their friend is talking to someone else, how do they handle it?
Their responses, thinking processes, and reactions will depend on their Emotional Intelligence. But what is Emotional Intelligence (EI) and why does it matter?
EI refers to the ability to “process emotional information as it pertains to the perception, assimilation, expression, regulation, and management of emotion” [1]. This isn’t something that is measured by regular tests or IQ scales, but rather in simple terms someone with high EI can understand, notice, manage, and act on emotions in a way that is helpful and positive.
According to a leading researcher and Author on EI, Dr. Daniel Goleman, there are five elements to emotional intelligence:
Self-Awareness: developing an understanding of ourselves, having awareness of an emotion that you are feeling
Managing Emotions: balancing emotions, not letting emotions completely hijack your experience
Motivating Oneself: delaying gratification, maintaining hope and optimism
Recognizing Emotions in Others: intuiting others’ feelings, having empathy, reading non-verbal cues
Handling Relationships: how we send emotional signals, being charming, inspiring others, being someone others like to be around
So how does emotional intelligence relate to students with ADHD or other learning disabilities?
Many kids with learning differences experience a lot of challenges. They may have high levels of learned helplessness, low levels of persistence, lower academic expectations [1], shame, struggle, stigma, and more challenges related to their social and emotional world [2]. It is a person’s response to those challenges, experiences, hurdles, and big feelings that can make a big difference.
Strong EI - a good self-awareness, ability to manage emotions, motivation, positive outlook, being able to understand and empathize with others, and developing strong relationships - can help them navigate the situations and experiences that they are bound to encounter on their learning journey.
While some research showed that students with LD’s scored lower on EI than their non-LD peers [1,2], there are overall mixed results in the research on whether students with learning differences also have generally lower Emotional Intelligence. While you might be able to see correlations between specific parts of emotional intelligence and specific learning differences (ie. kids with ADHD may not seem to manage their strong emotions in certain situations), there does not seem to be clear overall correlations with respect to EI and LD’s.
However, on the flip side, we do know that having a high level of Emotional Intelligence can help to mitigate some of the factors associated with LD’s. Therefore it can be very helpful to ensure that students with LD’s are provided with lots of opportunities to help them with emotional intelligence development [2].
So what does emotional intelligence help us do?
Remain calm even in stressful situations
Manage emotions in times when we are feeling stress or overwhelm
Understand and read other people’s emotions
Show resilience even in tough situations
Understand how emotions and behaviours are linked
Handle difficult people in a respectful way
Ask for help when we need it
Maintain strong relationships
Resolve conflicts
Be able to express emotions in a helpful way
The good news? Emotional Intelligence is not static and can be developed! How do we do this? By practicing, talking about challenges, providing exposure to different situations, modelling reactions, coming up with a list of strategies, practicing reading emotions, helping other people, and reflecting on past experiences and reactions.
By intentionally paying attention to ways that you can help your child develop more emotional intelligence, it will aid them to understand, notice, manage, and act on emotions in a constructive way.
“It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of heart over head - it is the unique intersection of both”
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References
[1] Hen M, Goroshit M. Academic Procrastination, Emotional Intelligence, Academic Self-Efficacy, and GPA: A Comparison Between Students With and Without Learning Disabilities. Journal of Learning Disabilities. 2014;47(2):116-124. doi:10.1177/0022219412439325
[2] Leehu Zysberg & Jon Kasler (2017) Learning Disabilities and Emotional Intelligence, The Journal of Psychology, 151:5, 464-476, DOI: 10.1080/00223980.2017.1314929
3] Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. (2005)